orgami's Diaryland Diary

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some kind of entry

looking through some diaries and
remember when it was that when a woman
i loved or thought i loved was leaving
me how I ranted and went on this long
dialogue on how she was better off without
me and she could do more of herself then
to be with me and then I would leave
just like that and then it was hell
I had to be near them and so I did that
freindly enough until my obsession passed
and I found someone new to get involved
with

Lori I just got into this big argument
more about me talking and then leaving
and that was that Oh of course right
away I start to e-mail her and tell her I love her she is the one for me
etc etc (Not hard to Imagine) and she
wrote me back and we got back together
and have been ever since She said i was the first man who ever left her the most She is attractive I shall say I have interesting looks

i just get hurt by something going on and retreat burn and crash retreat
it worked in the past but its just a tired behaviourism that I am slowly changing by listening and being quiet
and actually taking a rish and asking
what people are about these days

its harder then it sounds for me but I
am doing it slowly More and more people are talking to me now and I am finding people are interesting instead of just a pain in the ass sometimes
I thought I was tough and could do without people but I did not live in the trailer in the woods like a committed anti social person so I was just a wanna be hermit

today is very hot outside
I am looking forward to making the walk home to our place and sit under the air conditioner and get cold
and try to think about what kind of a person will accept that smelly awful apartment for that money
people are strange and not always in the rain are faces ugly
...

12:43 p.m. - 2005-07-09

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