orgami's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

accountment

power of prayer
I am praying now at night
when I retire to bed
usually around twelve thirty
or one a.m.
Lori asleep on the couch
where she feels the most
comfortable
with the air conditioner
instead of the sometimes
stagnant heat of the
bedroom
So strange to not have any
rain this year

but I pray for forgiveness to
those I had hated and despised
for their ways of being
and in doing this I realize
that when all this is finished
that I will have to forgive
myself
odd to think of myself as one
that needs to be forgiven
but I blame myself for so
many things
as if I was so hero like
and infallible
I am human
i am weak

and lastly I try to be humble
But even today
Loris advice was sound
and again I did not listen
to it I realize that this
is trust and trust with
women is not something
that I had ever found
endearing or strong
dates back to being abandoned
a few times by accident
choice and cancer
However it was not their fault
and I had my own agendas then
the fued is over
Lori is my partner
my soul-mate
I just have to pray to take
that negative image away
trust her more
trust myself more
take more risk
move out of my comfort zones
because this is change
growth
..........

11:24 a.m. - 2005-08-09

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next