orgami's Diaryland Diary

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train

funny today I got Autumn again
seems to pull up my name and
assign me to this
over by the booking computer and
scanner I sweep my card under
the laser and here I am
I like Autumn the computer
there are three other people
here writing the library
is busy

listening to Happy House
now from Siouxsie
I used to listen to this
when I was anxious in the long
gone days of isolation in the
country long lonely walks through
the woods and canoe rides on
still waters
searching for that illusive something
as if I could quickly turn and see
my other self
like a cat chasing its tail
.............

I feel anxious and down
not sure why
just tired of life sometimes
depression comes and goes
I am on Wellbutrin and other
meds to keep me level
but sometimes it just is there
but I am learning to not fear
it like i used too
and no more medicating with
alcohol or drugs all this
does is compound my problems

I went down to the static
engines and train cars
the kids have smashed the windows
out so ever so often there is a
large dark hole on the side
of the graffitied thing and just
above the bottom edge of the window
I could see Roger the town drunk
I used to live with him and others
at Cornerstone apartments
He looked like hell sitting on this
burned up smashed up train car
like hes going to Montreal or
something thought that would
have been me if I had kept drinking
.........

11:01 a.m. - 2005-10-11

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