orgami's Diaryland Diary

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my life in a story to date

sunshine is upon us
at the end of the summer season
all because of the jet stream
pulled south in the american
west
the dry ranges the open lands

now we have sun

and crickets bidding their fare
well song

so sad this time of year
and then the burst of colour
and cold foggy mornings

so very beautiful
blissful
warm hot leaves to gather
and jump in
for children

the winds
the rains
the clouds
the dramatic
breathtaking
days of difference

I am looking forward
to them
all

its been up and down
as you may have read
already

the meds keep me from
swinging too far
but now they want to
kick me off of all
say Im healed
and A - Okay

god back to the
craziness again
the brilliant creative
moments though from
the right side

but the crashs
the depressions
the severe cravings
for addictions
awful

especially at this age

my work is great
its sane holding

even though someone
had a breakdown and
is hospitalized
in the mental hospital

all the stress the pace
we do

we jump through loops
and hoops as we do
like trained poodles

the show must go on

ha ha ha

I love the sun

And
Loris child is here
a teen ager
just

very intelligent
and athletic and fair
and sensitive

someone who will better
the world

I am a male figure to her
her own father is crazy
and mean and abusive

well I had my own troubles
too but i have gone through
much therapy
and need much more

im trying though

she has a brain and a half
very fast
quick and limber

and beautiful

she told lori she loves
me

all that i fear
someone getting close
Lori did that and now this
one Chloe my own flesh
and blood is close
but we have a space
created with history

she is coming soon too
and I am very excited by
this Chloe is very creative
and writes plays guitar
and has tatoos draws tatoos

she is sometimes into the darkness
of life like I was
and moody like I am and my birth
mother

but We go for walks
like Loris little one
downtown and we talk
and look at things

I am not running away
anymore

I was gone for a long
time from Chloes life
four till eleven
and then till fourteen
till now sixteen

chloes mother and i are
in touch with each other
very much now
and like each other
and write back and forth

chloes mother is very smart

i guess i'm smart too

father troubles
except Loris dad
he is the best
ol grumpy but very
smart
and he loves his
kids and is always
there
always

hes battling cancer
right now

i like him and am
close to him
we watch movies together
he picks them
they are very cool movies
and he explains the history
and importance of the movies
in a way that I never saw
before

Lori is social like my father
who died of a stroke in his
eighties
i was shy of people but tried
to be a snob
hah they all could see through
me though

i was such a jerk

anyway the sun is shinning
things are okay
im still alive

My cats keep me going too
at night they come for comforting
and I put my arm around them
and they cuddle up and purr
and I pet them and fall
asleep Maybe they are coming
to me to comfort me
I think thats more like it

12:04 p.m. - 2008-08-26

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