orgami's Diaryland Diary

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black and white

dream about all the losses
like the veterans dreamt
of their violence
the fallen

but im no soldier
wood panelling living room
solitary light television
glowing and a father
soaked in whiskey laying
forever on the couch it seemed
Coming down in morning to see
if he was alive still breathing

mother long left the silence
since their fights more frightening
then the chaos before

both hard working
and me awake four days straight
sitting on the rooftop waiting
for "Them" to come in from the
main highway the home invasion
that never came Our fear of the
world our gun collection close
and handy three doors out
front door back door upper
entrance the moon at night
on the crisp cut lawns cool
on the feet the distant highway
the lullabye freights rolling
cross the grassy swamp
the old drained lake in 1888

poplars swirl and balsam and cedar
never sleep because of the dreams
depression so bad at times
popping Gravol to self medicate
to slow things down stop the
noises the dream faces
the vividness television
mocking me the radio soothing
reading books on the big couch
the radio playing
windows open winds soft blowing
in from down the road and hill

idylic horror books crime books
the left over refuse of a time
of that kind of popluar magazine
book my own reads from the local
library manic nights no sleep
try to hard to come down

parents loved me
sky loved me
brother loved me

wind loved me
sisters loved me

but did I love myself
the hate sizzling into rage
for being crazy
not smart enough in school
barely passing
out of control
My Mentor keeping me
in line

music soothing the savage
beast
addictions fueling the
mind beyond the stars

poetry saving me
the angel with dirty
wings and scuffed shoes

empathy empathy empathy

1:56 a.m. - 2009-05-19

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