orgami's Diaryland
Diary
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awaiting....
g r e y skies and snow tumbling slow and soft minute and beautiful...
crashed..depression caught me in its nets down down down and then sleep finally my body fighting it my silence noticed and noted by my fellow compatriots.. wake up from sleep long and full of dreams back aching forever and more at this age... faithful dog at my feet on the bed...then cuddled up in the middle... watch dog of the home of the pack here... washing clothes finally getting read to go visit my Bunni at the hospital listening to music the house in order as well as can be... A doing her things in her room ..texting...resting.. listening to songs that I listened to as a younger man delving looking into the past part of my recovery to not forget all why I get stressed out by hospitals and no money how it was drilled into us as kids what doing without meant.....depression days my parents lived through and everything beyond that.. put up some christmas decorations without a fuss this year... sleep is of course what gets to me too....how I hate the vivid dreams I have...waking up in the personas I have...shake them all day on my tail till they burn off around now.... drinking coffees and smoking cigarettes feeling light headed from the hits... some store bought pain killers just a little jar of them but its better then nothing.. Pup on her chair beside me as I write Keeping close..she can sense our moods and Happy we go on our little trail routes for sniffing and her business... Hopefully Bunni will be let out soon and take up her place as the matriarch of this house.... I can return home to my place and pick up my work again.. two days off....sixty and then some dollars I need to survive on the peanut butter budget... pretty much what I eat through the day...enough protien and sugar to keep my now two hundred pound frame going.. staying off the booze and yet not hitting too many meetings MUST not forget Tuesday PARS day cant miss anymore!!!!!!!! laundry getting done. my skinny jeans and red dress shirt decent underwear simple things I miss a lot and with my hard of hearing and my mind still off in lah lah land I dont get all the incoming information from people.. I feel for those with dementia parkinsons and alzeimers not a fun trip at all but christmas spirit alive and well here! Bunnies tree all decorated nice....house in good order...food in fridge bills managed till next month the usual hurdles.. and the cold holding off for now pups one ear inflamed but we have drops I bought from the dog doctor.. part of owning a shar pei the little flap ears laundry on the spin cycle.. then another load.. Bunnies winter jacket instead of that flimsy blue windbreaker she likes... got enough cash in change to get me to hospital and back and then run down to my place on Lakeshore catch rides till payday this thursday always just making it on the cash till then..... nothing left over... a day in the life of a diaryland writer..... A getting out and about attending some parties and making some new contacts Me all my contacts are quiet..... I dont know why...lives are busy..Im too intense....not sure....without any input I cant figure it..... just get through today till tommorrow wake up do my shit and dont take a first drink.....try to be human and listen.. Got new batteries for the little old digital camera but have yet to just go out alone without the dog pulling on the lead which I dont mind..its her exercise and lets her grow stronger....with Bunni gone she is just so quiet...and Ive been inside more then ever with my mind messed up without sleep last few days and the meds by accident...same tab with just a difference....takes me two days to get out of that fog.....even feel misty today but got enough energy to get out there and see Bunni!!
11:58 a.m. - 2013-11-16
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