orgami's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

awaiting....

g r e y skies
and snow tumbling slow and soft
minute and beautiful...

crashed..depression caught me
in its nets
down down down
and then sleep
finally
my body fighting it
my silence noticed
and noted by my fellow
compatriots..

wake up from sleep
long and full of dreams
back aching forever and more
at this age...

faithful dog at my feet on
the bed...then cuddled up
in the middle...

watch dog of the home
of the pack here...

washing clothes finally
getting read to go visit
my Bunni at the hospital
listening to music
the house in order
as well as can be...

A doing her things in her
room ..texting...resting..

listening to songs that I
listened to as a younger man
delving looking into the past
part of my recovery
to not forget all

why I get stressed out
by hospitals and no money
how it was drilled into us
as kids what doing without
meant.....depression days
my parents lived through
and everything beyond that..

put up some christmas decorations
without a fuss this year...
sleep is of course what gets
to me too....how I hate the vivid
dreams I have...waking up in
the personas I have...shake them
all day on my tail till they
burn off around now....

drinking coffees and smoking
cigarettes feeling light headed
from the hits...
some store bought pain killers
just a little jar of them
but its better then nothing..

Pup on her chair beside me as I
write Keeping close..she can
sense our moods
and Happy we go on our little
trail routes for sniffing and
her business...

Hopefully Bunni will be let out
soon and take up her place as the
matriarch of this house....

I can return home to my place
and pick up my work again..

two days off....sixty and then
some dollars I need to survive
on the peanut butter budget...

pretty much what I eat through
the day...enough protien and sugar
to keep my now two hundred pound
frame going..

staying off the booze and yet not
hitting too many meetings
MUST not forget Tuesday PARS day
cant miss anymore!!!!!!!!

laundry getting done.
my skinny jeans and red
dress shirt
decent underwear

simple things I miss a lot
and with my hard of hearing
and my mind still off in lah lah
land I dont get all the incoming
information from people..

I feel for those with dementia
parkinsons and alzeimers
not a fun trip at all

but christmas spirit alive and
well here! Bunnies tree all
decorated nice....house in good
order...food in fridge
bills managed till next month
the usual hurdles..
and the cold holding off for now

pups one ear inflamed but we have
drops I bought from the dog doctor..
part of owning a shar pei
the little flap ears

laundry on the spin cycle..

then another load..
Bunnies winter jacket instead
of that flimsy blue windbreaker
she likes...

got enough cash in change to get
me to hospital and back and
then run down to my place on Lakeshore
catch rides till payday this thursday
always just making it on the cash till
then.....

nothing left over...

a day in the life of a diaryland writer.....

A getting out and about attending some parties and making some new contacts

Me all my contacts are quiet.....
I dont know why...lives are busy..Im
too intense....not sure....without any
input I cant figure it.....

just get through today till tommorrow wake up do my shit and dont take a first drink.....try to be human and listen..

Got new batteries for the little old digital camera but have yet to just go out alone without the dog pulling on the lead which I dont mind..its her exercise and lets her grow stronger....with Bunni gone she is just so quiet...and Ive been inside more then ever with my mind messed up without sleep last few days
and the meds by accident...same tab with just a difference....takes me two days to get out of that fog.....even feel misty today but got enough energy to get out there and see Bunni!!

11:58 a.m. - 2013-11-16

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next