orgami's Diaryland Diary

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normal entry

been out there for awhile....
coming back to the Overlook complex..
pretti here...many old issues that i
dealt with away...coming back is another
thing....."breadcrumbs" a term i use
that is important...i cant live on more
not physically..but in terms of contact..
and how others deal with me too..my
thought process runs deep..further then
most want to take in...not that im smart
i just like being down in that pressure..

anyway its still there..i am dealing with
it all and im doing normal things lately..like shopping today..folding laundry..going for a walk to the tim hortons across the big bridge..car lot..past the pretti houses and little bush where the deer hang out..the rail lines ..the sunshine....get my head out
of the vortex of living with others...
anything more is much for me..the meticulous details i love and get
caught up in...music included....which
is why love for this writer is scattered
and not in one area..not in one..
the great love for me does not exist but
in little breadcrumbs i recieve from
others..which sounds normal...humans are
supposed to be like this...except for being shattered long ago at the core
build and trying to put the peices into
some kind of understanding which is a
lost cause.....

so i bought some camo skater shoes lately..flat ones for nice walking..heel support...matchs my outrageous qausi flight jacket with symbols painted on it like i like on it....except for vets
this means something...its not a replica
replica....anymore then i am a published poet....or have anyone very important in my world for love sake.....

i did have shoes that were flapping open on one foot...that was wrong..i was not looking after myself....i was getting angry for things i thought i should have..but when i really think about how
i must look after myself and think about others in a level term that makes sense...so i spoke up..got my shoes..
got a roof over my head....am semi organized at now putting my stuff in order and going through it..i have to
strip down everything to its simplist form....

i see the trees outside..the birds..the way the horizon looks with its hills and escarpment and open views and think of nothing but the beauty of that...meditation rather then run my
mind off on details like a minature that is static only in model form....real life moves with its time..its age..its changes....that loss of control as a child i cannot change.....things changed then....natural...i get immbolized by small little details....small moments...but i can break that overwhelming hold....by moving out the door with my shopping list..stand at the bus stop and let the restless spirit inside me still a little....

a beautiful day....and im accomplishing something...i have a lot still...i chose to live life without substance addiction..save smokes and a few little things.....breadcrumbs....
must get going..

10:08 a.m. - 2014-03-02

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