orgami's Diaryland
Diary
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sunday...
keep posting...
holding down the fort....
watching television
which is null..
from my vantage point
would love to buy books
from the library
or rent them...
havent had time to go
there for awhile but
i know how to use the comps
there for searchs
the people i see sitting in
there....fifteen feet and less
leatherette chairs facing each
other..soft...quiet enough..
the glass interspersed with
walls...the decorative ceilings
with low lighting but bright
enough to see... the people are cool to be near
other readers...people sitting
immersed with each other in
a different venue of worlds
amazing but its been years...i used to
read Walrus....and New Yorker..
I dont hunt or fish although
tried my hand at it....
cant fix much but have basic
idealogy of machines and
electronics the only thing i missed out on
was a short wave radio.a small
sixties set that would have
pulled in some interesting
noise from across the globe
but now it doesnt seem too
well off..... would have been fun to have
got my typewriter and havent
written a single thing on it..
that time seems to have passed
me by for the time being
i can type faster on this
keyboard lately then ever..
very speedy.....
all about the need for time
how its important to fire off
rounds here of words.... its fall...the leaves are turning
their colors....dropping from the
softwoods....no great storms yet
and wonderfully hot days...
a brilliant bright end of a damp
summer really..and i didnt put in
time swimming either..but sat on the
dock for awhile... we mostly just did this little hill
pulling weeds in spring and then
breaking by hand all the tall limbs
that would brush the dog and i on
the single maintenance track up the
hydro line..not that wide...fifty
feet or more...a good hill...glacial
rock and rounded run off from the old
ground up glaciers that wound their
way from the north to the far south
making their descriptive contours on
the maps....sand here...gravel there
and rich soil elsewhere... everyone loves the trail....then i
took a little saw..japanese finish
saw..used for trimming excess off of
joints..not what it was used for by
me..cutting fresh green limbs and
small trees that was impeeding the
view...ominous the trail was from
the bottom...i wanted a clear look
up...no bears..no racing bikes or
runners clashing....and would fill
in rocks and rubble the river ruts
the rain produced...pulled weeds
from the four wheeling truck and
buggy atv tracks...even small little
details every other day added up
by the end of summer....but i care
and thats all that matters..and it
was noticeable....and is..more
open..i enjoy the walk not fight
the rain sodden branches on the dog
when i head up there... blah blah boring blah blah love life....how i never talk of this..
i have many i flirt with...usually younger and beautiful and the older are of powerful and intellect....i am aware that i am poor....but not too poor..i have been that at times....usually finding others to chum with to survive..doing the odd and end work that satisfies the temperment of the town although always the grumble of when are you leaving..such a character....and at six one..with a mind as this....
everyone vieing for the love of pretties....and along comes penniless joe and wins the bodies and yearning of some.....although i was always never sure of where to stand on how to deal with the witty and the beautiful...growing up with them made me aware of how they are....detailings...etc...what should they wear...what lipstick looks good...the gritty shocking details...and all the while the steadfast girl boyand men climbers despised me for being privy to details....how the women fought catty with each other....the men domain was theirs...they controlled their men..and saw how sometimes the men knew this but were bored of them...ha.they loved to dig in the claws...but my mother had done this for years....drawing me in and loving me and pushing me away with cruelties sometimes and silences...their moods...i should have took up hunting and fishing...instead hanging about the house in that close ground...but they fascinated me...the beauty...the songs they would sing..their dancing..their allure....i was glad with my height and uncharming looks to be at least that chummy with them.....i work on getting fit at fifty because i was so heavy for a time....my chins...because i have a small chin although not unkind to look upon...i have intense enough eyes..a beautiful color the nurse said at the hospital....and she sees eyes all day and everything else so i know i have at least that for beauty in a man...a grey blue with a greenish ting at the edge of the pupil black....the iris striated and
jagged an unusal looking feature...and my cheekbones which jut out like a caveman a wolfish enough hungry look when i get lean...and the wild hair sticking out like ive eternally been startled.....and a voice so low..an ebbing murmuring because i cant stop talking....nerves shot out long ago enough...some never talk for all they have seen and others just burn it off like extra energy.....the spiral of the mania climbing....and then the drop..crash landing......i try to dress as well as i can....and it does make an impression....dress like the alphas...and the alphas will like you..if you can charm them with some detailing and knowledge..they suffer fools not unkindly..and love wit and quips....their load is greater then mine...i have met so many lately...not to be gradiose which i was before i got to this level and this long to be here...a slow and steady ascending.. everyone about me went through the hardest of mills..the knotholes of life...in the smallest of hot towns..
and not weather...hot... our town was too in its way...but a more lucrative darkness....lakes and hills...a playground with its playthings and wonderings...histories blanked out and quickly forgotten..nothing existing..preserved....now you see it now you dont............... shit...thats it....i just made a connection....damn.... people get tired of waiting for me to fill in that last square of the crossword and just reach across me..
or hover over my shoulder..put an arm on mine even...tell me im likeable..just slow as methusalas......and in doing gives them the power to decide to brush up against me...a contact they would long for or anyone....as you would touch a strange birds feathers...or the fur of a primitive beast...good luck or to be brave......the natives called it counting coupe to slap the face or arm or leg of an enemy in battle and let them live....a noble thing.....not now..now its all hand to hand again like the days of rome.....like the very beginning again.....but the romans had no hardware like today....but the human determination is....human.... like love which i strayed from....
i love whom i love....for many faceted reasons....each mirror ..each face of beauty or interest reflects to me something of great interest...its narcistic and out there...their joy..displeasure..happiness or boredom...or lately a bit of anger here and there....tells me of what i am...
sometimes so lost..or knowing what i am
in search of the right wavelength...
the right intellect...a hunt for the perfection that may never be..instead
all like puzzle peices..like a deck of cards..like the chessboard... i can see it people reaching past me
to move a peice to get the game over
so we can make dinner..then..i am crude but i try...never getting...it..
always life so busy in so many places i put myself...so that i appear to have a full life but like the many mirrors..
all of them only catching certian moments
of emotions... never rushing in save a few.. but its all changed now....their world
is darker then mine will ever be
and yet if i venture in like im doing
then it means that i already know
what is there...this landscape
this ecliptic twin of light and darkness....... like campfires flickering in an
encampment
how we once were..and still are..
primitive and developed
the drives buried within like hidden
underground rivers
the grottos of survival so much others have read and know
ahead of me
retaining names numbers..
and all i have is dead reckoning
and something else even im not
sure of what it is....
a fearsome thing
the beast we all have within
the fear
which is too be ruled by reason and the Love of a God... such is such.....
loves....they love me
with my theories
and bombard me with music
heavy metal
so now I find Audioslave
and Linkin Park
Rammstien and Manson..
Both Marilyn and Shirley my faves
covers of potent works like
Nobodies and Coma White
immersed..
and somewhere
a hip hop girl
showed me Lana Del Rey
says she for her older interest
but I wonder
so similar to taste and eccentricity
does she watch the reactions for.. My high school date out of high
school I stole from a brilliant
friend..and he was brilliant
traveller..holdings..wealth..
power...plays guitar..piano
creative painter..writer...
published with many friends and I was a simpleton
whom had his paid for crowd
chatted and exchanging interchanges
the intensive corellations
of influence.. i have a good enough singing voice
and talking
elocution and words
polished for plight
and plenty the only dazzle
show... lana..yes..lana
the dark world
of that now you see it
now you dont..
encapsulating
mesmerizing
shocking people..men and
women dream
of such flexible
ideology and worth
to draw..and as any
hunter huntress
you must obey your
hunger and tame
it lest it startle words...for writing
is a gentle art
even hammering away
like the great..
his moriarity
knowing he was consumed
filled with it all
before the wall fell
around him the beauty race
reducing the beauty
of rawness
for money
selling your soul
and your sound
like breaking up
a stradivarius
or a fender
to look more
model pretty the world is crazy
and was before i arrived
then....and will be when
im gone... im okay with that
im amazed though about
love... lust..you may ask?
the power of the animal
is so very strong
thinking we will never
touch or feel responses
never even imagined
the magic or appeal of
some....the if;s a world of poetry there
fiction and fantastic
fantasy we escape in words
our worlds
finding time in the real time
of others their company
how they sit amongst us
across from us
the twitch in the eye
the jog of the foot
removal of a shoe
the expanse of knees
to embolden passion
or be dominate
or disciplined we are a thousand faces
and so few true lies its very very interesting
my friend i must say
to be here writing
like this
knowing that its shared
not piled high in a room
of paper....for that is
a waste of writers talent
but only the very gifted
can do this and they do lana.....like helga to wyeth
and jane avril to henri
and others..
warhol with nico
chris and debbie
etc i am not inclusive to other
arrangements or names
but stay the path on this
contemperary scheme of
this site...... structures....
we are the structures
love is the structure
we can stand in the rain
or the feild
beneath the stars
adorned in the hazy
attention of those
we can have
and have nots... it carries us
and moves us
like spells we are bound
writhing in its
delicious intoxication
chilled by the vividness
and contrasts
the suffused sotto
of its call there is so much
and only so much time..
probably the longer of
my writes here.. but it is
what is is..
12:06 a.m. - 2014-09-28
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