orgami's Diaryland Diary

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Omsterz

nightmares...
i remember the feeling
of being miniscule
the white lights like a sky
the voices..the echoes

clinical...fearful
wake screaming
they would wake me
I would wake them

i forgot all about that
hugging me
and then after the sleepwalking
till I was five

just saying fuck that.
staring out the window
at night

my monsters were
clever...could climb
had personalities
were faulted
slim...
formal even

their fears I learned
like talismens
that worked

I didnt need night lights
or flashlights
an alarm clock with phosphorescent
dials would do
wake from a dream way too real
the street full of bits of trash
lights..limbs...the raindrops
full of streetlight
wind...towers with lights
clouds....wake in the dark
unsure if I had blacked out
like a kid..focus in the dark
on the outline of the window
listen careful for the fridge
the waterpump in the basement
that would drum occasionally
a piston pump filling a tank
under pressure...an older system.
the snores..snorts..sighs of
the dogs....the train..the
highway a mile away across
the swampy meadows and spruce..

it would all slowly mesh into
a reality I knew
not the dream

but the dreamworld was where
I Lived...kitchens houses
daylight..cars..sidewalks
summer..winter..lakes..
details beyond xbox and play
station..

in some dreams people can do
things..fly..move through walls
I did that in some..
but I didnt like it....in those
Im thinking science all the time
not like avatar...
molecules and structure...
maybe the super realism
even people
Nuance never changes for those
I recognize and those whom
are gone that are chatting
...

my mother and father..
in their kitchens both passed
ten years or more each
or less..

I want to turn to them and just
say....Well you are dead! and
in the dream Im like..well I know
this is a dream...its nice to see
them and if I told them that..they
would not say..You are crazy and
laugh like they did in life often..
They would probably agree...which
too me would be an acknowledgement
that they are gone..that all of that
is over....so I dont...Im formal
and polite with them...
in the dream I look about like I do
now...papers atop the fridge..
magnets..outside the window the
bird feeder..the space looking
south....the kitchen...

I remember the dreams a lot
the town...so real...I had a room
went out for a walk...
remember thinking this has to be
a dream but the brush..was too well
detailed to be a dream...
the snowbank..the gravel...the rain
wash..the small stones under the
streetlight....

I see how writers can create fictions
and non fictions
how poets can use words
like magic

they..them...those..

they were intelligence
a purity of observance
madness even
condensed like a coil
condenser

i just ended up staying awake
while everyone slept
the peace...quiet..
preferring to sleep when
others are awake

like I did earlier..
ate a big dinner after
coming from no food in the
house hardly for a week
basics...
then boom
money comes in
we buy cheap
eat much

a shock to the system
and then
onward

man is conditioned to live
like this...
the feast and famine
the original default
my spirit intelligence
monster ideology
probably comes from the
ojibway side and the scot
side...vikings..
very superstitious ass kickers
for their time..

I wear a bone cross
and rings
after while they are my
talismens
my rings on my clasp
on my chains
from others
a coin in my wallet
not so much the meaning
significant...but the
fact that others held
them....

reading people..delving
them is a hard trick
a primitive thing
with much power

certianly not a faint hearted
deal
and not a powerfilled density
either..

thats trippy..

morning am..
work..
payday.
much errands
meetings downtown
coffee shop sitting
writing in my book
my phone message
text times....

digging in to the further
realms of my contacts of
late..
working through the surface
waves to the sub strata
echo location

its important

3:52 a.m. - 2014-10-30

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