orgami's Diaryland Diary

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was there and stil am

i remember
long ago
staying with my freind
who did drugs
overdosing
hovering at the edge
of breathing and not breathing
and I would sit and shake them
slap their hands
bring them around
again and again
leaning over them to see if they
had stopped breathing
hearing them suck in air
sometimes coughing and choking
on their saliva
not wanting to get them into trouble
not being able to talk to anyone
because I was trusted
and the others were outside that trust
feeling like a fugitive
but they always came around
and were their old selves after awhile

But I still sleep and see them
with their mouths slack
their eyes rolled up in their heads
looking worse then death
feeling death near
not having anyone to hold my hand
or to be there to share the watch

so many I have done this with
what does this
what has it cost me
my eyes tell all
my spirit feels ragged and torn
would God forgive me
all those whom are now gone
through drink or drug

would saying anything change
whose lives
whose lives
are they

their jaded world
encircling their arms
they walk the edge
of the great long fall
and marvel at the beauty
of it all

11:36 p.m. - 2005-05-01

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