orgami's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

crying

i was twelve when my mother finally
left my father
her last words to me as a mother of
that failing unit were
"I've taken care of him all those
years Now its your turn..."
our family was not big on goodbyes
my father moping about talking of shooting
himself and hating her in the same breath
but they loved each other in their own
commucative way

all those fights all that suffering
one moment joyous the next the air
was filled with vicious belittling
everyone drifted away
No birthdays
No holidays
no joy

buried the hatchet made peace
and then they left
and I am here wondering where to
put myself in all of that

there are days when I see the
strength and then days like today
where I only feel the old weaknesses
today I could drink a forty ouncer
and a bottle of cough medicine and
all my other medications and just
lie down and sleep
numb away all this misunderstanding
trying to make sense
see where I went wrong with the family
break up

I loved family
and it just went away
like the fog at daybreak

Now I have my Lori
and the AA meetings peoples
and now You my cyber populace
i am so glad I have what I have
have Lori
Have you people
I am sorry for not being happy
today and writing happy thoughts
i promise to be more uplifting
tommorrow
god I feel like crying
and I dont know why.............................

2:59 p.m. - 2005-06-21

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next