orgami's Diaryland Diary

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family and alive

family
Ours is ka-put! I mean my brother
and sisters We who are left
no one relates to each other
anymore
last time we were together was
thanksgiving back in eighty six
or seven We got drunk and played
Janis Joplin really loud
we all felt like cheap actors
or at least I did
everyone pretending at their best
that nothing was wrong
that everything was going to go
on forever

But it didnt and now there is no
way all three of us or four would
get together

My mom died and wanted to have no
service My dad died and only wanted
to be cremated with no service
they didn't want the pretend
the servile service of people
paying tributes to them
both did have gatherings though in
honour of their being
But I wasnt there
I have my photo albums of them
some few odd photos but its them
as I remember them

Do I feel sad that none of us can
visit with our new partners?
sleep over do the family togetherness
thing?? its gone all of that
I have Lori my new family
and Chloe and Lori has her Ataya
and Chloe will meet Lori and Ataya
will meet me in a few days time
so there is a new beginning for us
at this old age

My brother is a carpenter and my sister
a nurse at the hospital both have
wifes and husbands and big beautiful
houses they have worked to have

I used to want everyone to get along
and was the mediator I thought
but nothing can save it

so I let it go
but there are still days when I see
other familys out for dinner or at
the beach together that I have this
tinge of regret for us

but I love my new life away from
the hometown I love North Bay
I Love Lori my latest day to day
of my sobriety
so much to be thankful for
so much celebration to be alive
...

12:01 p.m. - 2005-06-28

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