orgami's Diaryland Diary

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Doll

fragile life
maybe
somewhere is a plan
some entity some spirit
some great power that tests
us
My mother dead of cancer
at seventy
My best freinds mother dead
at seventy also from diabetes
My father dead of a stroke
eighty one
now my other best freind
with eye cancer
and slim "visions" of hope
for his right eye

I never expected to live this
long My drinking my depression
that plaugued me for years
and only in the last month
have I truly embraced life and
feel the warmth of human
empathy do I want so much to
Be here in the now instead of
the dismal past and to awaken
finally to all of this
like everyone else on earth

twenty five minutes left to write
Oh by the way I did get my
Sears catologues and brought them
home for my Bunni to read
She has picked out some gifts
for her children
we love to peruse the colourful
seductive pages of wealthy
treasure
consuming the advertisements
like thirsty merchants at the
last oasis
makes us consumers (hah hah)

listening to Siouxsie
now I know why I love her so much
her desparing voice the disjointed
music the hollow sound of most
of her songs her plaintive
lyrics the strange captive way
they hold my attention
when I was hurting the most in
the past and drinking this stuff
soothed me seemed to be at that
level of pain and fell easily
I did into the music and song
back when I had little hope and
no job no girlfreind no family
just surviving No that would
not be what I call surviving
the alcohol the drugs the
missives I would write on the
typewriter page of pages
stacks of stacked words
overwhelming the reader
And now I have made it here
to 2005
WHO KNEW
I certianly did not think it
possible Lori is my angel
she took me and has been so
strong for me and I hope I for
her
my little soulmate
my better halve
we have each
in the wave of life
and our small
creature
comforts
.......

12:36 p.m. - 2005-11-05

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