orgami's Diaryland Diary

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knights return Hero and trickster

well I had a good meeting with Lori
when I got back home We talked and sorted through all the hoopla
and it went well she does not trust women because of her mother (looney maniac evil woman) some of the stories
are hard to believe what that woman has done and Lori just hung out with her father and lived with him after the parents split so she just hung out with male companions Anyway as long as I am
her main man then her male freinds can
come and go to play cards or chat and coffee I can deal with this I had before in my previous womanships
(my term for co occupation of same space) Maybe cell-mate would be more like it when I look back Ha ha
No I like Lori and Love her and she Loves me Its just that I have been
abandoned so much by so many I have
issues like anyone
anyway I just got off MSN messenger
with like four people that I know
My daughter included I have to type
like hell and keep clicking between
screens to keep up with them but its
possible I just did it all a few minutes ago

when I was venting I didnt need to be so mean spirited about it because I have a lot of non-agression If i was only more secure But I am getting more secure as I get more in touch with myself more meditation More empathy
more looking people in the eyes when I
talk with them and letting them talk
and actually listening
i just get fretful and then the fear comes up and the anger comes out
But you are so Correct Chaos I am like everyone I have my bad days and I have my good days Thanks for the support
You dont know how much that meant to me
anger exhausts me now
it used to fuel me but now its just a poison but I am learning
thank god I dont know everything like I
th0ught I did a few years ago
god to think that I may change a bit
its so refreshing to have hope for this for me Today I Love myself
I make errors I am not totally right
I can voice my concerns I can hold my tongue I am above all human
and trying to be humble
...O...

11:35 p.m. - 2006-02-12

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