orgami's Diaryland Diary

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more tire spinning

doctors appointment
i have some more medication
to help me sleep at night
three jars of various
dosages to be taken at
night and when i get up

its the same stuff in all
three jars seroquil or
something like that

Its Monday and its finally
snowing wet snow but its
covering everything and piling
up on the trees and turning
rooftops white and driveways
yards and streets

how long will this last
i am unsure
but its delightful to watch
its coming down so slowly
there is no wind

painting my crafts here

after work i have phone calls
to make

all the issues of the past
come up recently
all the new direction i am
going towards

its exhausting
it reminds me of six years ago

i dont know
i am sure i am intelligent enough
to become operative about options
to give me free space to breathe
and exercise North Bay has lots
of pretty streets and walking paths

i need a coffee

try to remind myself not to get
upset about things
spent enough years living like
that

i realize that i only have Diaryland
to use to relax and that my time
to go on is when Lori falls asleep
which is around nine thirty at night
usually i spend time watching
television with her on the couch
rubbing her feet So then i get
onto Diaryland and i am in a panic
to write as much as i can before
twelve o'clock comes around and
usually its not long before twelve
comes then it takes me another
couple of hours to slow my mental
thought process down by listening
to my cd

then i dream crazy dreams and keep
waking up through the night

weighed myself today and found
out i am only two hundred and
forty five pounds not the fifty
five pounds i expected from eating
all the Christmas food or the
big meal we just had this weekend

anyway its time i went and got a
coffee and got ready to go back
to painting for the rest of
today I will be finished the
I LOVE CAMPING signs today
they have turned out well

i used to read books anything
really that would make me relax
by getting into the books
take my brain off my solitary
confinement mode

i used to drink lots to escape
this anxiety and depression too
and smoke the odd joint with
people who used it But that
was not the answer i cannot
drink i am choosing this year to
be sober i cannot smoke grass
either it totally messes up
my thought process

and stopping my association
with certian people after years
of on and off again interaction
it just bends my brain

tired today
no wonder
all this crap blowing through my
mind

oh well
thats life

time to go now

..O..

12:19 p.m. - 2007-01-08

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