orgami's Diaryland Diary

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sentry musings

is it snowing
cold I heard

ice crystals falling
through streetlights
the beams from buildings
downtown shine like a
diffused beacon upwards

winter
the sleep of it
dark

my head aches
nepinephrine
fight
rapid heart rate

try try try to get
a point across
a simple arc to make
yet nothing passes

turn up the volume
can you hear me now
my throat hurts trying
to gauge her frequency
the family range

every family I know has
yelled to be heard amongst
themselves

forty some years
including my own
including where i found
refuge
the harsh wilds

so tiring at times
I get buried beneath it
and sleep letting the dreams
tell me their stories
their scripts

maybe find a key
take my meds shut up
try to stay stable

Stable

what the hell is that
an entire life of abandonment
and fighting remote causes
that only get absolved when
the family folds its flock
about the "lost"

met many
lost many
eye to eye

"what you see when you dont
have your nine millimetre!"
said the old fox to me in an
old school bar
"likewise!" I smile at he and his
youthful cohort He chuckles
I've made a freind it seems

and on it goes

"how do you hold all the rage in?"
asked a young man serving my freind
and her boys dinner one day at a
resturant run by a hard rock woman
His tatoos up and down his arms
his face weathered with his fights

he said it in awe

He seen it

I dont want to be wanted
I want to be wanted
I want love
I dont want love

I am abandoned and will always
be abandoned by everyone including
God Satan and the Holy Ghost

Only all the other selves can
come forward to find me buried
in myself

to fly so high
to crash so hard
when even tears cant
put out the flames

give me a soft moon
or a cool night wind

quiet in the house
the noise in my brain
stops

just the dreams

2:06 a.m. - 2009-01-04

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