orgami's diary

orgami's Diaryland Diary

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no bliss

I live in a dream
and die day by day
in this one

there is no significant
great love
but the thin veneer of here
where Im starving for
affection

having never learned
the ordinary ways of how
all others gather
it and cast it aside

I just hold on to a notion
that someone is out there
whom Ive not met yet

but that is not real
this is where Life as I
require belies the false
belief of holding on
and having nothing

yet I try and try
even years later

this creativeness
is a boon and a bane
for it soars in grand
halls and whimpers in
the cave

how I just want a warm
fire and someone whom
loves me to lie beside

but that is never to be
not in this world

so strange this place
all the media all the books
of such happy endings or
hopeful gathering

say what they will about
the myth and fact of me

i have my charms
my jaggedness

and if it is that
dying alone is what
I have like so many
Ive known then so it
is

whom am i to challenge
the will of God above

holding on to fairytale
make believe for all
these years

maybe the fire in the heart
has to die to awaken
is it not that in total
darkness one can only
then be aware of any light??

I do not know anything
anymore

but I keep hoping
and god its an ache
that no drug can take

12:54 a.m. - 2011-01-05

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