orgami's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jump........................three

missing days
sleep deprivation
too hooked to quiet times
when Ataya is out with her
young man or in the room
watching the telly with him

Lori napping from nine oclock
on. cars hissing by on the
quiet street I will slide the
window open from the second floor
here Our little two lane route
around the places here damp under
the lights

night autumn air

four days
been writing Neo intensely
I have no training
just put it down

dishs need doing
floor needs its work
havent even had a coffee
all I buy is italian expresso
two heaping tablespoons in a
mug with a filter stuck down
the top and wetted with a ladle
from the boiling pot on the
stove.. stand there thinking
about things while the air
conditioner rattles from the
stove fan light until it all
bleeds from the black slurry
down the filter all over the
counter osmosis style

I threw my coffee pot at the
wall at the VOY and then had to
pick all the shards from the
carpet with my pocket tool
flashlight holding it sideways
for the gleaming bits hanging
off my bed while Das Boat played
on in the background and rain
drummed outside the blackout
curtian on the cars parked
against the metal crash barriers

took hours and yet was meditative
I never bought another drip machine since

the expresso is thick and I pour the chocolate bunni syrup in and some milk from the carton and a tablespoon of sugar bring it up here and park it at the edge of the table so it doesnt spill on the motherboard pop two 222 generics for the back and shoulder waiting for that smouldering sensation of it all and then the sick feeling and eventually a level that is not pleasant but beats feeling beat to shit

i put the quilt on my bed tired of just sleeping on the matress stuffed between the walls just the coil springs like stacked slinkys the other quilt atop of me and the cat as large as a bowling ball whom I let sleep on a narrow slip otherwise we just fall in the middle of the old fold down bed couch cat litter bits that I vacum up every other day and scrub the floor so its manageable I dream Im home.that everyone is alive and unchanged except for me Im like I am right now sideuburns goatee the hair that never grows past my shoulders and breaks off saves in haircut fees but I envy those that can grow theirs long my gary oldman face My Leo character from Bladerunner face aging the blue grey eyes still intense the long narrow nose still pointing and my weak chin

mother dying somewhere maybe in the hospital so much like me her crew afraid of her and yet love her or the idea of her my fear is Im just the same nothing calm about us except that brooding watchful moodiness

shegoes its just between chloe and i who goes first then dad buried in his graveyard he wanted built for the rez
forty truckloads of sand from the pit flattened out with a dozer on the meadow feilds and rock the stubby little jack pines and tamarack and shrubs where the whipporwill sing

four days

working and running the bike
crank gear worn out and now the
crank brackets so sad its funny

sit outside and watch the clouds
the neighbour horde four doors down
enjoying the day sitting on their
concrete steps to the curb smoking
kids gathered round them

my new cheap overpriced air conditioner dripping water rumbling away
Lori inside watching the telly
feeling good for a change
Taya getting ready to go out dressing up

friday weekend coming
little cash but we got enough maybe

u tube music to keep me happy
and those russian cartoons
"just you wait" I dress like the wolf my purple french cuff shirt frayed at the sleeves and the button missing att he chest i never replaced

happiness happiness is the bliss

9:37 p.m. - 2012-08-16

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next