orgami's Diaryland Diary

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North Bay City Library Ontario Canada

3:52 p.m.

dressed up in good clothes..
from Maries urgins..My room mate..
a hardy robust guide with a good heart and a soul thats been through the mills...Never forgetting but not remaining there..Making a life even now..standing up to those putting her down.....I am too....enough of the drinking for me....I cannot drink....God has helped me all through those times.....perhaps he knew that like Today I can just not take the first drink...I am not perfect...I am immature and not socially spread out much...But I am learning..letting others near me..wary...not to pour out my life and make me open to any entertainment like before...Inviting chaos so I had a drink to wallow in my pity and have the excuse...There are no excuses and surviving like that for me was horrible..and to everyone else that had to bear it via my actions and behaviours!!...

I keep hearing and remembering how God was there for me in times of great isolation or when I just gave up worrying stranded or crushed under my opressive thinking..when I let go and went with a flow..He was there to offer some good people....(It could just as well have been some not so nice people too..that part i am aware of!!)

I am remembering my childhood teachings of the good of the love and forgiveness for self and others....sometimes the hate and anger in me leads to depression and the mania and psychotic phases come into play...my distortions of reality become unbalanced.....but I always get help...I have a counsellor..I go to my meetings and lately have been just standing about talking with some people..talking more honest about my issues in the hours here and there..but careful about what it is Im saying and to whom.... I am enjoying my life..my new clothes and what I want to be....staying to that for now to get through the winter....and writing here.....the little ledge....the little purchase where I rest and write....

Im happy today....

3:52 p.m. - 2013-11-04

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