orgami's Diaryland Diary

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peaceful with the gnaw edge..

growledge....

carrying the monkeys around
for ever...cant drink life away
cant die...knowing that others
are more worse then |...worse
off and worse behaviour.....

so whats worse...having a trace
of a concience.....or non at all..
greater focus....

no drinking so i just dont sleep
well or at all...
no buddy buddy system
of the man groups now..
away from gossip based AA

the women here love me but dont
understand my view of the world
to them its too far out and falls
under fiction....

and what i write here is fiction
removed far enough from reality
that it cannot be recovered for
use against me or for propoganda
any or other...

listening to Rammstien and The Underground Youth...painting cat
painting and playing missions non
stop on xbox 360..gan theft...im
most similar to
trevor from salton sea trailer park..

my old life falling apart
and falling into something new
a new life that i dont know anything
about.....feel out of touch these
days and ancient...a caveman awoken
from the frozen time...however...

im making the most of it.

step kid gave me phone to keep in
touch with her...meet her at bus stop
etc....write each other..i have a daughter who is just like me..i love her but dont know her....left when she 2was threee...a bad war...no one wins wars..stay and fight and you are not a hero not a bad man..a no body..leave and you become a fictional myth to hate like an ideal a principle.....we are so far away and caught up in our worlds we
try to love...try to talk and end up in addiction issues....right now not talking...she is twenty one....i helped raise her from a baby to three years..i make zero money.....she thinks i hate her and i think she hates me....that movie The Wrestler...so much similar...i quit drinking four months ago after falling back into it for twelve horrible years..had ten years sober before that...crazy.....im just a wreck...i feel horrible and old..like mickey rourkes character says...."just a broken down old peice of meat"

but i keep writing poems and keep painting....but i feel mortal and al my friends the few i have are dead or ill..

diaryland is sweet....i love the few here.....anyway will write poetry again...just a clip about me ...

10:57 p.m. - 2014-01-01

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