orgami's Diaryland Diary

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lash

i want to delete
all my worthless shit
but for all the anger
is just filling up with
the dark of bleakness

what the hell was it all
for....

i missed so much
so formal
as my latest woman
writes

im not even real
and they are..

more real then i am

wish i just didnt care
but i do..
thus not deleting my shit
because it does matter..

i wrote her tons of letters
somewhere she is..

not writing me...

too many muses..
they are all jealous
part of belonging in such
a fashion is they own you
not your heart..
they just own you
seek you out

ask..why not me..
why not love me
like you love her?

when in reality
it was not about
love....

and now..when i am
feeling something
..huh..its nothing
dust..old letters

nothing in my life is
real even though im
in reality..my life
story is crap
vague put together
a complete mythology

im very freaking depressed
and angry
not that depressed
not that angry but you
know...

im writing about it
and i feel it..
thats the crappy
part of this trip..

why why why did i not
see the letters.
why now..
see them....feel them..

formal pompous male ego
shit....

i do hate myself
i do love myself

i sound like everybody
else and thats what i
hate the most...

hurt...

like that hole song..
i hope you ache like i ache..

so there..
i ache

hope yer happy..

12:57 a.m. - 2014-07-15

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