orgami's Diaryland Diary

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from....a...to c...

yah..what of B

before..
a system
clean the house like mad
sunday..visit.
hit all the meetings
shake hands
drink coffee
twelve step

drift to the library
and prowl the mall
come home
walk dog
sweep

work on a painting
laundry etc..

and..get kicked out
for fucking up
more then once
a year away
then return
meet others
just drop into their
lives like yup..
take that over
for the time
move out...
like that..

move in..
like that..

all the while wearing
the same clothes
the same character
outfits..
like a cartoon show
graphic novel
drop some weight to
look like a vampire
because thats all
big since twilight

not on the juice
not into mass drug
culture

reading..poetry writing..
flirting..
small time entertainment
where every so often
someone dings my heart
they mean a lot
to me
a fondness
which suprises me

everyone has pitched in to
add to what I am
some people do not let others
add to their look
but everything about my look
is from others

al the rings clothes sunglasses
wallet chain..pocket watch
chain..bunnies old dollerstore
rings hanging off the keyclip
to jangle when I walk

did that because I was startling
people...this is like a dog tags
or a big cats bell
let em know its me coming
the jingle jangle big creepy assed
angry looking dude..

people just look to me to try to
keep things together and im always
getting the blame or shit for it
so..
then I will do what I can to
keep it rolling...
dirverting directing
casting roles for people
in the opera of life

people are very resourceful
and talented
and amazing

I know this is not poetry
which I love
i will continue to do that
but I never just wrote
about my life
and even this is just
a sketch

i like dark roast coffee
and sit alone
if you try to chat with
me its always intense
about heavy intense shit
and always the same
topics....power..
mystery...darkness
some humor..

most people just dismiss
me but thats my attitude
which just came with me
from all the mind numbing
years growing up

so now ive got a lot of
experience at this
and a thinking operating
brain still
and my body is being kept
in decent enough shape
with the bike running
to save bus costs
and the wait..
i have no paitence
and always moving
cant sit still

at all...........

add probably
but more nerves
paranoid as shit

to the point where
my mom dad had this
game at dusk
they would say a bird
was on a branch
a christmas bird
never clear on what
kind it was
snowy owl..they never
said..

that it could see
your motives
it would report back
to santa up north
if we were bad
which i equated with
evil from the fairtyales
so they got fiction into
reality big time
and when i asked them
shit they wouldnt say
nothing defined so that
made me go look shit up
just wait years and years
some stories
are still making sense
all these years later

love these aha moments
though..

all i thought was man
that bird is dedicated
and made me realize that
i was existing..
i was on the books
somewhere
so i mattered

i remember that
realization

the other aha
moment.

put up our christmas tree
this fold up little thing
a coffee can for base
and some stones from
the railroad ballast
the string of lights
dont work..dolleramabama
always put em away and
they never work next
year....

but at least its up
ready to go..
wait for the end of the
month for the greater
money to arrive
and pay bills..buy
the usual
make it through that
session
and on to the next

a few hours worktime

quiet..we were in eachs
faces a lot
so the peace away on
all different floors is
sweet...

mall will be packed
and rocking..fun place
when its like this..

interesting eyes
to look at...
never thought of me
as being interesting
to others..

but the ladies said
lately more that yes
I am interesting

who knew..
absolutely no self esteem
half the time
just distilled ego
which is not
a great thing..

and a prowling thought process

...

yay christmas!!

1:22 p.m. - 2014-11-15

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