orgami's Diaryland Diary

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MOVES.....

always got pinned down by my moms mind
always picking at motive..purpose..why..where..
when...then dump you like that..chatting..
after awhile it was like walking on thin ice..you couldnt run from her sniping..or her
humor which was great...provider..entertainer
she had a great voice and beautiful penmanship.
good style and worked her ass off..golfing
vacations..christmas gifts....went all out..
just that constant bombing the shit out of
your character....and a fast mind..
Interrogation gattling style....

was it exciting? hmmm... i was pokey joe..
think i go here..think i can go there..easy
enough....then hit it with movers and groovers
never was with them growing up....just intell
people...extremely more brilliant then I..
more money backing....

money....You can play...if you have money..
makes sense....I played and I didnt need that
much of the money ultimately....and I did
things...mind numbing detail moves
and then fast.....never hustled at all...
worked for old people..good money...bad money..cash has no conscience
a power that I respect

but hustled....slow at first then faster..
faster...Like this..Check this out..
after awhile it just fell into place

my mom would probably love what I am today
still kick my ass and run me down...
but Im developing now where most people
just got all this at sixteen

not growing up is okay
i got a fifty year old body with the
same ideas of a fifteen year old at
times....so when I need to focus and
BE mature.....in this body...this
aged face it looks natural...
the voice...the eyes...slow it down
big time...

slowing down..
yah..

slowing it down..

because
i can feel this quiet
moment
can be zammed into
high gear

just out of the blue
it comes from within
the poetry..the writing.

just like that...

anyway Im still alive
and you know what
that fucking counts for everything
so I can still pick up garbage
downtown when I feel like it
to keep the place looking good
for everyone..my five minutes of
caring..and hold doors to try to
re instill the purpose of at least
trying to acknowledge the value of
our humanity in these trying times..

try to hang out with people whose
lives are not what I live..
but then like I say ..I didnt live
their lives in the beginning
and they are always proud because
I was really pissed about everyone
having bad teeth....
so they are all getting their teeth
worked on..and its hard because
we are on the system....hard cores
out there kicking about but with
great anxiety and fears and shit
that its impossible to operate
off the grid that just gets em
to survival land..

funny because I know the Costco
club people too....
a chum has this beautiful watch
a real push all the buttons
metal watch with crystal not plastic
face....
my vanity..
but I got a pocket watch steam
punk seven dollar item
and a tear drop flip top lighter
like a zippo.chrome...got that
hinge sound..the rasp and a metal
cigarette case a hardcore buddy
gave me with a grizzly bear and
a giraffe..the flippy thing..one
way you turn it and the bear is
there and then the giraffe..
probably made in china
which makes sense

i like it..
i like stuff that is made
from an element
Plastic is not really an element

so I have interesting stuff
which is cool and he has his
cool real watch

just perspectives

was snowing a bit...nice winter clouds
big fluffed up flakes..crystal..large
slow falling....perfect....

12:56 p.m. - 2014-11-15

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