orgami's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

dual purposeless

not really...
there is purpose...
I believe in something
other then our own thoughts
of nothing at majority of rest.
except I dont rest that much...
drift off mentally staring at
the horizon...the middle ground
a lot...whats that called..
dissociation..easier to sort things
out when I see things and not see
things....not like in ghosts truly
or reality that is not there....
not the crazy crazy stuff...I know
those people..they like talking to
me....I know everyone though..
so you just never know whose
truly crazy or not...
know what I mean..

coffee...smokes....waiting for the
months end...this was a brutal one
and I hope to make it through this
winter....

between the super great gift of intuition
and the complete lack of brains and
common sense I somehow make it to
at least write the odd time here at
Good old Diaryland...where Ive been
writing since 2005...about time computers
arrived...or internet got rolling...not
long really when you think about it...
ten years only....

I was forty when I started writing this
and I had hit the road at thirty...
and not even that bad of a road...but
enough that it jarred me further somewhere

some people rock...some people sing...
since the work here the vortex I call it
with the girls....now down to just the one
original...the queen...and the princess
has shifted north...cheap room at
gramma and granpa where whatever his name
is can do his thing for now...until the
next one comes along...

morning here...dark out...i can hear bunni
moving about...in from the smoke break...
got a cold or getting one...its about out
there bad here....I remember when I was not
eating right and under much stress..not drinking then...or drugging...just starving
and having a really hard time..the beauty
that was in the most ordinary things...
a bleak beauty..purity in a way...out there
times..then bam bam bam...everything rattling
in...shoving me out to do runs get this paperwork here..coffee there..dealing with
living with them....

i did draw and paint but nothing got framed
or put on walls...they end up disliking me
for how I just say things and the anger..
the fear is anger...cause I stay calm and
try to talk but thats impossible...like trying
to figure out the writing here....there are
just as much word process to go through.
everyone shuts down and thats what I want
them too do...how I just let people leave me
alone back then.....

still all rattled...
maybe I like that
nerves all rattled
cause somewhere theres that switch
when everything locks into place
and that door opens...
another world...realm of perception
..maybe...

4:23 a.m. - 2015-09-29

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next