orgami's Diaryland
Diary
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sunshine and summer
white cube air conditioner
keeps the place cool
outside the heat climbs
on a beautiful Saturday
most of my help and errand
and chores here are finished
my laundry done
a few more things picked
up too take too my place
as I slowly aclimatize
to my room and surroundings
over there sewed up the worn packsack
with strong thick thread
and large needle
something for crafting
but it works on the heavier
stitched material nine days till cheques come
in..
the waiting no rain...clear skies
bike running good
rested normal lately been too the mall where
because of summer there
is a lot of things too
see that are pleasant
too the eye been wearing my dress clothes
out and about...
society does judge how
one dresses
and anyway...I like wearing
good clothes style standard sitting letting the meds
kick in...coffee settle the old Keurig cup coffee
filter for the regular ground
coffee in tins...
we pay seven dollars or less
or more for the medium too
dark roast chain brands lately its been Maxwell House the filter screen made of fine
metal mesh just broke
split in a few places
and for months we have been
just drinking coffee with
the grounds in the cup..
then the lid was worn and
doesnt shut..so grounds
were coming out there
too...we just havent made
the effort to get a new one
Like the fry pans worn out
takes forever to get some
things replaced...human
nature
but I looked online and saw
that u can use a nylon
and I got a sock..one of
Bunnis new extras..washed
it...stretched it over the
screen and wrapped an elastic
so it acts like a secondary
filter! no more grounds in the cup
a simple effort of ingenuity
and google search brings
a joy too something we just
took for granted!
the house in housing needed
some tending too
so a careful stick too it
plan of scrubbing...cleaning..
vacuming...and putting the
small clutter away proper
resulted in a much improved
place....and I even washed
the kitchen window
facing sidewalk..scrubbed
down the furnace intake
vent box...wiped down the
door entrance with side
window...the faux brass
lamp and glass fixtures
put in fresh batteries to
the little chinese lanterns
so it looks great...smells
clean...just a little bit
of effort. in my room at the huge
motel complex I go over
my room slowly too
fixing up this slowly and
that
they repaired my sink
when I moved in it was
leaking...old seals
a great old place....huge
bank of mirrors...a
turqoise formica shelf
an old round sink and beneath
open space for items
floursecent tube tastefull boxed
in for good lighting..
a good fan too draw air
away..moisture from the
shower..and when I open
the window behind the thick
dark sunproof and prying eye
shades it brings in cool
night air..takes the heat
away somewhat in the thick
and blaze of our hotter days I opted out not too have
an air conditioner..
I need items over the cost
which was not much I grew up with no air conditioners
maybe buy a fan..will see.. and I wore out my converse
black white running shoes
punk cool....and wore out the
italian style dress shoes so next month its off to
value village for great shoes
if I can find a pair in my
size....leather shoes top
line that people donate
brand new one hundred fifty
dollars....Rockports and
sperry topsider deck shoes
are my fave finds..because
they are built too last
made of good leather
and running shoes just
become stinky and gross
due to the materials I walk the dog and ride
the dirt muddy bike
trails at time
and cut through the woods
go up steep hills..
I live in them!!
why they wear out but usually I can get them
way down by Marshal Park
for fifteen dollars
and there is always vintage
jackets too look at
from seventies in mint
condition often
and shirts...cool label
t's....sometimes cool belts
that actually fit me
(size thirty five waist now)
I want to lose the extra
chub about the middle
and even try...to get back
to a thirty four...
to do this is too be underweight
and everyone bitches at me
when I get that far
but I like that feeling
and look I have the pair of cop boots
which look sixty usa military
issue....sixtys mid..before
they changed too the more
agressive boot... i am into vietnam stuff because
when we were kids it was on
the news all the time and my
mom was upset with that war
so we got brainwashed first
to not join up cause they
thought it was just going to
go full scale war....and
then the fear of being hidden
away across the lake in the
woods....we were terrified of
wolves and bears...again my
mothers influence...but we
grew up in the country and
only a gen earlier people
were hurt by these animals
and of course even today
one has too be careful... so it was a terrifing thing
too us...I ended up just
getting obsessed by it
right too wearing the jungle
jacket with faux name patch
usa style period I made up
except I put on russian cryllic
for my womans name to throw
people off... does it help? hell yes.. i know its ritualistic...
anything too not dream of
that childhood time though
I do not take freedom for
granted let me tell U
and the paranoia helped
keep me going...
still does..gives me
an edge
always feel like Im on
point..... anyway...
fathers day is coming
up... all my dads are dead
birth and adopted but I have a real birth
daughter and a step daughter
that love me
so thats good a happy thing
and my birthday in july
which I am looking forward
too this year ever since my mom just
turned on me when I was
eight...no more birthdays
loved me...but the great
abandonment and her
leaving my father and
us when we were twelve
was pretty traumatic to me she was like warden
psychiatrist...adversary
interrogation expert..
often tearing my room
apart like gaurds do
tearing me apart for
finding anything and
then just leaving
and not going into it
on to the next thing
like I didnt exist gifting me with homemade
knitted sweaters and
while Im enjoying it
and telling her I love
her..she explains how
I was ahorrible son
and not like Johnny
down the street
while slipping me
a hundred behind her
husbands back
whom I got along with I got along with her
too...just couldnt take
that cutting my heart
out lines... I survived and do
Im happier then ever
as I can its not easy
the wounds are healed
but the hurt is bad
some days
so be it Im still alive and I still help
others..
thats a choice I
make..
bittersweet
but better
then just being
bitter.. over and out!!
10:48 a.m. - 2016-06-18
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