orgami's Diaryland Diary

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in country

first day of summer

cool perfect day
and yet beneath it
I feel the unease

so much went wrong
as a kid..one younger
brother and two older
sisters and an older
natural daughter to
my two dynamic socially
outgoing and hard
working parents who
had their own small
home on a parcel of
land and a cottage
and two cars...
a boat and canoe
and tons of cousins
extended family of
numerous talents
and experience
and always..card
parties..song

eight track and
cook outs..fires
at nights...
we were loud
and no one bothered
us...connections
and we just outnumbered
most there..
like a pack

but summer was always
tense
even now all the years
later..
my brother and sisters
do not talk
all of us are in therapy
of some kind

its just better this
way...

the more years the
more comes back
fresh as ever

but we keep going

lately in my life
things are going
very well..
and for this I am
happy

I am not as wild
as I was
but the calm allows
me to enter back
in with people
from my past and
now I can follow
them into even
more intense
land
country to help
them...
the focus
I should have
could have had
in the early teen
years..

most people I remember
had this inner
security at sixteen
so at fifty two
Im just getting
here now

in a way its good
its so fresh and
new....

but so it goes.

always a
never dull moment
thing..

why I like Diaryland
everyone writing
surviving and
thriving sometimes
struggling through
the years

when I was mid
twenties
I had a broker real
estate girlfriend
who owned her own
company..
she had been in
the world doing
all the hardcore
things as sixteen
brilliant and broken
and haunted

I was a spoiled
bohemian brat
with daddies car
validictorian
girlfriend and
other wealthy kids
with their own
vehicles
and cottages
and jobs..

I was working
with step dad
in a gold and
silver refinery
a summer job
toronto
driving about
in the evenings
getting to know
the city..
then hard work
at a wealthy
summer camp
in algonquin park
infamous
arrohon pines

and other places
woodstove store
i was one of
the installers
and chimney sweep
for spring summer
winter..
much driving
poor to mansion
meeting everyone
and working
with the other
interesting
crew..
then construction
jobs..huge and
then sub contracting
with a utility
company putting
int he telephone
poles ..right of
ways...roads..
cable burying
and island jobs
and clearing
right of ways
with chainsaws
felling huge
trees....
chipper etc...
heat of summer
and very cold
winters..

through it all
always had the
most connected
and interesting
pretty girls
always big bad
assed families

crazy

now Im just
still with my
Bunni..helping
her in the housing
beautiful place
amongst all the
others there...
most of them
know me and I know
them...
Im like busy.
painting their
places or talking
too them or helping
them out with the
small handiman
jobs...

twenty two minutes
left and Im listening
too vietnam music
because it was ground
into us...we were kids
watching the horrific
news..they showed much
more then.....
listening to videos
now DOORS..ROLLING STONES
JEFFERSON AIRPLANE
CCR
etc

at fifty two and a birthday
coming up early july
I am in very good
shape
not fat....riding the
bike everyday for
fourteen years
and walking much
docs say upon my
crazy admittances
to hospital that
I have a great heart
and lungs..
I think they are
being nice
getting me out
of my head
and one female
asian doctor
shone the light
in my eyes and
said I have
beautiful eyes

which made me
study them
and they are
grey with a yellow
band about the
iris...
They are beautiful
with bluish green
depending on mood
..
im lucky

but then inside I
feel terribly lonely
and sad
and angry
a juxtoposition
I struggle with
thank god for empathy..

must be going
eighteen minutes
left.many muses
to write....
more tunes
to listen too...

thank for being
here...

Mr wolf..

12:21 p.m. - 2016-06-21

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