orgami's diary

orgami's Diaryland Diary

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patterns

waiting for the damn snow
this OCtober moon will show
and the bitter air
tinged with frost will
finish up with summer

all over
and through it Im exhausted
but pushing myself
its a different time now

this is not 1917
or 87'

click here and listen to
anything
write anyone

overwhelms me
and I go for walks
moving fast

sitting in the coffee shop
the only one i like
realizing that its just a
different style of cloth
that makes the difference
a different coat of paint

still

I pretend that I belong
anywhere
that i fit in
that i have freinds
who are not

wrapped up in simple pleasures

sit by myself and drink my
coffee reading the paper

been years anyway since I
babbled on to anyone

never realized I would miss
anyone after all this time

this new bout of sobriety is
showing me
letting me feel

its not like the other times

looking beyond my self
this time

outside the ego

going where the fear is
Im lost anyway in a way
so i cant get any more
misintelligence
then this

I can feel the depression
in its waves coming
like the black thick of
the rains still to press
their need upon the want
of day

light receeding come dusk
and the streetlights
comfort bleary in its watery
recievership

I dont mind
Ill force myself to read books
again

make my room my sanctuary
and retreat
let go the dream of great passion

dont get me wrong
there is so much going
and I havent expanded with effort
to chase false leads

so much Im learning here
with this distance is great
freedom to roam in inner
space

blah blah

sounding like everyone else
now

will stop going on now
and get back to poetry next entries

the morning sun makes me ache
I feel so full of fear and lonliness
but Im told thats normal

all the years of picking up the first
drink and killing the feelings

Ill survive

just thought I would write whats
going on Meds help a hell of a lot
too

why did I ever think I could go off
them

crazy nut!

11:19 p.m. - 2009-10-07

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