orgami's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Orange Pekoe

soon the leaves will all
be changing
and it will get cool
the sun will be different
because of the atmospheric
change

magic seasons
new beginnings
and same old

I need a tea and am too
lazy to make it
Im always making them
things or getting
them treats
from the store

but I have set up this
system (my fifty per cent)
so that I know if I ask
for a tea it wont happen
and thats kind of sad
in a way

They really get excited
when I keep going out for
coffee The girls at
Twiggs are very cute
very interesting and all
of them are varied
its not like stores that
pick one type of girl
Their eyes are full of
life they are not disinterested
in their work and its always
busy

and the coffee is great
why pay for coffee that
tastes the same since
1980 but some people love
that thats them
not me

I love pouring in two little
packets of brown sugar
I used to cook and bake things
As a man I liked creating things
because I wasnt all that great
but I was good at it
and then I loved to work on
cars with tools but no one
taught me about cars so half
the time I didnt know what I
was truely doing but enough to
look around put things back
and realize why it is that
some people love to be
mechanics and why some people
love to bake

I dont like it when someone
would make me a tea
I would get used to this
and eventually they would go
away Or something would
happen to them
My mom got cancer
does it matter what age I
was it was my mother
and then my dad died
finally of old age
but we didnt have that
last talk
and now the family is
just so apart
and no one seems to care
so sorry if I just study
the families that are close
and into having fun
with each other

now we just seem to slash
each other with words
even when we do really want
to work on maintaining this
wreck sometimes

and now depression an old
freind is back probably
why im not enjoying this
holiday and getting out
i cant break free of this
rather stay here and say
I feel this way then
getting out getting
exercise and having an
adventure that despite just
being me alone
it would still be me alone
possibly having fun

and i am perfectly capable
of making tea and looking
after them which was my
great interest

but I thought what if I met
a woman who was sort of like
me (of course knowing full
well how faulted and crazy I am)
still when Im nice and polite
and charming and pleasant its
rather an okay experience

but of course the damaged childhood
core flashbacks come back
the ego flaring the words prepared
like blades

it was always here is your tea
now why are you not like Mrs so
and so's son Why dont you
do this and why are you not like
that in the end I forgot who i
was she went away and despite
it not being my fault i felt
responsible like i do here

so cover the fear with braggadicio
the mask all the stuff the bible
is advising not to do

and when it gets to me i just write
poetry or this blog here
im six two and not supposed to cry
besides everyone else has it worse
then me

i wish i had a tea
im too lazy and depressed at
this moment anyway to do anything
about it
and its the weekend so Twiggs is
closed

should get the fuck out of here
and get on the bike and ride

but I feel responsible and overwhelmned
at the moment
a tea would help

hmmmm time to just quite moaning
take the pain and get it happening

I love that about myself
and I like me

1:40 p.m. - 2010-08-02

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next