orgami's Diaryland Diary

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winter in bullshitz

woke up today with this feeling
I needed to get out there
and in the run
was quiet
Enough that even Ataya was
wondering what was up
Lori just reads it and stays
silent

the old hardcore knowledge
to let it ride..it will come
back

and I went out on the ride
(old already worn out Schwinn Not
a year old from all the errands)

what is it about today..the sun
shines bright and the cold grips
the ground the thin layer of snow
blown away in places..scoured
like the hearts unsettled in the
rooms of the meeting hall..and then
the sad stories begin..the whining
the bellyaching and people going up
twice where you are supposed to speak
just one...And nothing about the
program..all about who looked at them
wrong etc etc etc....Crybabies and
miserable...Fuck!!! stay in bed then
take that first drink and get wasted..
Or do you come here blaming the sad
state of affairs of what being human
is....Oh woe is me..They are out to
get me...

I was smiling..I have two to three
weeks sober coming up and these others
have twenty and fifteen years..and
they are groaning about how hard done
by they are...Just because one is sober
doesnt mean one is not the sickest mofo
in the room....I was happy..if they were
up to good they would not be sweating
they would not be sqeaking so hard!!!!
Someone is on their trail stepping on their tail and I like it just fine...
see how spineless and miserable they
really are...How the people under their care must have put up with them and how their families must have felt about them.....The come here sober up and act like heros returned from the great service the heroic act...and I just say hello and shake hands and talk to all...I know who I am..I am a drunk getting less drunk today...They made me
realize that they have the same day as I do today in being sober and thats that
who cares about how long..they actually go on about this too to anyone else who listens when they dont want to talk about themselves and their program..
Im going back...I realized Im not as sick and that is very hopeful for me

they drive past others walking to the meetings in the cold...my friends stop and load up their cars..

it was a great day for me!!!
I am very grateful for God and friends
and I took my dogs for a walk...
better then being wasted and out of it
for all...
maybe feeling good is something I can
get right away...I look and listen to
them today and realize it may never
happen for them

sad

4:46 p.m. - 2012-11-24

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