orgami's Diaryland Diary

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rain

rained a touch today...summer.all the airconditioning is still on...the mall with its leaking roof...they are up there laying out the torchs and the tar rolls..redoing all the major new chains that are hammering out their losses..they put so much into them they cant just dump them.....throw up a roof and hope for the best while the fickle crowd with money hums and haws.....

ivy dropping in an extra peice of breaded chicken in my little take away box...i look hungry but its not for food or sex or comfort or anything that i understand...its like a cancer this blindness to the reality..so easier in the dreams to talk now at the tables..sit..walk along the trails..the towns with the views..the cities i feel
but cant identify....more vivid them vivid..

cant describe it well enough...cant live
there....the games are like this..xbox
enough detail but its not real..
the games are fake..you dont have that kind
of focus in reality..our eyes are for
distance...the horizon...
drop a coin and look for it on the floor...from your normal height...now if you are blind all you have is concentric
circles to feel and you have to be
down on your knees...sit in a wheelchair
like many with vision issues and mobility
issues and the coin may as well be on
the horizon.....we have one second glimpses to read....unless you stare..the hand movements..the tells..and even then so many are giving out so many leading signals and prompts..one has to fall back to the
blindness factor...unsee all that is
being seen...and go from just the stable
static of repetition..

oh..what do i do for fun....a lot really.simple little crazy things..
to dumb to mention here...
the almost childish interests
that never lost their power to amaze
regardless of all the high brow
books i ploughed through
and tried to at least get a notion
of theory.........

i thought i was really something once..
thought i could make a difference.
we all do..just not in the way we
think..because thats all we have
is our thoughts..not the compilation
even facebook is just a hum of the
narcistic emblazement of our sad state
of self hunger...our reflection..
likes..

when you ..or at least i can look
at them famous or otherwise and feel
whom is happy...what may have went
on....
there is happiness....sucesses
maybe im just maturing

but its something
lah lah land was heavy
but this is heavier
lah lah land was intertia
this is density...

and they say gold is valuable
and i dont think this is lead
all these years of experience..

gotta sleep
got work...

im okay
just not the usual
of last year or any
of the others..

3:17 a.m. - 2014-09-02

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