orgami's Diaryland Diary

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Principe valiente

listening to their sound..
this band and the accompanying video
dark goth sound...clear consice
..
outside the rain falls
and from my journey with a brother
on the road living in a gypsy modern
camper..sleeping with the mad dog
and his happy cheerful activated
mind we scoured the roads with happy
music as he recounted his traumas
of youth and experience with his mother
staying long long after I gave it in
and left to find the road and love
in my arms of crazy intelligent and
broken women..
lately they are in touch..and there
is nothing more then words and avoidance
to help them in the suffering I feel
and know in their words and voices
on the phone...

extension 370 is unavailable for
comment

and in memory the princess stood
flushing forward her energies and
drives..returning to base to the
bunker after she went beyond the
wire on her missions and adventures
touching my soul beyond my comfort
levels and mind set
putting her name impression and
touches..

One day when I was struggling here
living amongst them
runner...errand boy...delivery man
fixer of all things disruptive
and becoming more mad with madness
..I came home from the crazy world
of work with its genuises and stress
and found my room decorated with
christmas lights on the big mirror
on the dresser and blue sticks with
sparkles..an xmas card..and decorations
..new curtians and pillows.......

at another womans place I lived she
put on bedsheets..cleaned my little
room..put a fan in the window..
put up a shelf and a vase with hand
picked flowers....her visiting female
friend would always sit in my room
there was something about me that
they liked to be around...always
reading my poems and adding their
small words on the typewriter..
borrowing the odd treasure for
their needs...I didnt mind..nore
lending the money or other to help
them...

they were my muses....my oracles
of brilliant thoughts and quick
off the cuff wit that would make
me sit back and go.."ahh"

they were re working the hurt from
my female role model mother
all the "why's" of her erratic
and happy mad rushes of drive
..

I was blown away each time..
I was a blank never putting down
roots or hanging up photos

U see pics of the most hardened
convict decorating his cell..
or the worker traveller...
I kept all my things in the
suitcase..drawing them out only
when alone...quickly putting
those things away and throwing
away nothing
scrimpted it down too the basics

Inside...where they went was far
beyond my comfort zones
visiting it only when I am exhausted
tired..my guard barely there
I cant believe how much treasure
and decorum they put in here..
in my head
and I see now in my heart...

rooms I did not know I had..
they found them
so I know my mother did too
she broke us over and over

her own father abandoned them
and came back..
left them and came back
Loved them...I had all the
expensive tea cups he collected
for them when my mother passed
upon moving one day the box
slipped from my hands and fell
down a flight of stairs
breaking them all..

letting go..if only it was so
easy

I became her of course
pushing everything away
finding in this beautiful
wasteland of ecistance a
beauty..

the writings..
will be the only things
left before
the beginning of the next
journey...

I am happy today
happy for the rains
happy that all the contacts
have their own settled
places...their new mates..
new lives...

helped get them ahead
unlike many

and I have my room
my place
my peoples out there
whom I meet and chat
with on the walks in
my city...
a lot

but I am also
from the trip with my
friend going through
a lot..

he did not pressure me
just kept insisting
too open my eyes
about our experience
with family which was
similar in so many
ways......

so today I will walk
or catch a bus home
visit the library maybe
get out of here
where so much occured

my friend cried a lot
all of these people
have good hearts
are very extreme
and love me dearly
I am so much too them

but what I need too do
is become something
much for myself
the final rooms
from the labrynth
too deal with

like a battlefield
to tend too

kind of exciting in
a way...

1:58 p.m. - 2016-05-26

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